You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize