All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
