I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
