Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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