I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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