I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
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ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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