Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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