I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many