If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
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The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me