Are we in a gay sports bar?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror