haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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