hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
