i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
