Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
