I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
