He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
