matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
