forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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