how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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