Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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