I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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