Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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