may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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