Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Randomize
