I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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