i think my tv is drunk
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
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