batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We just shotgunned beers for America
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
