Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
