after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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