youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
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DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
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You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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