it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
