Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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