Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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