your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He felt like a one man threesome
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
