The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
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I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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