there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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