recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
