i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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