I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize