You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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