It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
