You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Someone signed my nipple.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
