i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
