You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
