I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
