i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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