He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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