shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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