I will die if light touches me.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
