I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
