theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
