So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
