Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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