two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
