I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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