Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize