Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
