The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize