I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
