i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
