I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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