Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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