she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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